


Asthma

by MissDeeds



Category: Doctor Who, Vocaloid
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-12 13:46:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9074530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDeeds/pseuds/MissDeeds
Summary: After a strange accident after following the Chinese captain Chin Lee, Sergeant Benton starts suffering from peculiar problems that don't make any sense. What does this have to do with then alien conspiracy.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is a special story which I’m working really hard on. I’m trying to replicate the signs and symptoms of Schizophrenia, I appreciate constructive criticism.  
> The story is based off the Vocaloid song ‘Asthma’, please watch the video to understand better. Also it takes place during and after ‘The Mind of Evil’. ;3.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7eMV0hg9Iw

Diary of Doctor Grey  
This will be a diary exploring my therapy of Mr John Benton who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and has been struggling heavily since the onset of the disorder. I have been tasked with taking care of this young man and preventing anything terrible happening to him. When he was first brought here to the hospital he was a wreck, a weeping mess of cuts, bruises and bandages. It took me several months to get him to trust me, when I did, I asked if he would be okay with electric shock therapy. He became hysterical when I suggested the idea and it took me over an hour to get him to calm down. I told him they just heavily sedate you then send the shocks through the body. 

When I asked about his family life he went white and couldn’t say a single word and began to cry and scratch his head. 

“Please make the voices go away. I don’t like them and they give me a headache.”

“I can do something about that, if you promise me you’ll take the medication I give you.”

“Okay.”

That was six months ago. He's been here for a year now and is making slow but steady progress to decent recovery. I didn’t mean to lie when I said I could permanently eradicate it, poor man needed something to give him hope. I just hope I can get him to a state of calmness. I have a session soon and must end this entry.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

... I really donn’t want to do this. ‘Intelligence work’ just means ‘stand there and watch someone for ages.’ She`s been in that phone for a while. I`m just trying to watch the Chinese Captain. Wait, she is coming out of the phone booth and she`s staring at me. Why is my head throbbing? What is she doing?? It’s really hurting my head and I have no idea what to do to counter this, besides pressing my fingers to my forehead. And it’s only making my head worse. I think I’m going to faint…

Going inside headquarters with the news I have is definitely going to go well. I lost the person I was tailing and I will now get a verbal smacking for it…

...That was fun. Trying to explain why I lost her. It honestly wasn’t my fault, one minute I was awake then the next thing is, I’m being lifted up by a stranger. 

Even when my colleagues are kind, it doesn’t help.

“Hey, don’t worry about the Brigadier, it’s just been a bad day.” 

But it’s always a bad day, isn’t it?

“No. I once thought that if you wanted to do it, you should just do it yourself.” 

Why? So you can feel better about yourself? GET A GRIP!!!!!!!!! You’re an absolute piece of shit!

Was that a voice in my head? I think so...

...I can’t believe I was called in to assist in transferring this nerve gas missile to be dumped in the sea. I mean I was thinking of placing a transfer to the navy, but that might have to wait. 

This is so boring driving along with nothing to look at. I don’t even get why I had to come. Wait, what is that? 

What? What just happened? I…I think we were attacked…hey there’s… there`s Cap-Captain….g-go-going….a-away…..……………………………………………………………………………………………………..........................................................................................................

...“Sergeant, Sergeant, do you hear me?” 

When I opened my eyes, the world was blurring in and out and it took my about five minutes to figure out that it was the Brigadier standing above me. 

“Hey you! Get a first aid kit and come over here! Yes you!” 

Aww…Someone cares for you. 

Yeah right! Like he really cares.

I didn’t want to get up because my head was spinning and I felt nauseous. But the next thing I knew I was sitting up next to back of the van, explaining what I thought had happened while someone was wrapping a bandage around my head. 

“Come on now. Let’s just get you to the ambulance.” Carefully lifting me up and taking me over there, I thought the world was actually shaking as I was walking slowly along the way. Stopping occasionally to possibly throw up. 

“He-ey, did-did you know I-I went to hospital once before, that was because I went to-to see if I had any-any paper left in-in the cupboard.”

“Try not to speak, you`re dazed, it’s just a side effect of your severe concussion, it`ll go away soon.” 

...I can’t understand why I decided to come back to join the rest in taking the prison. I think I said I had to leave the hospital, but apparently I kept repeating myself for ages and I don’t understand why people give me funny looks after I say something. It’s like I’m saying something odd or funny. I don’t know. Just an idea, in the end I guess it’s just them anyway. 

I haven’t been washing myself or anything much, but I do occasionally clean my things. 

“Have you even cleaned that recently? It doesn’t smell nice.”

“I haven’t had much of a chance to, because I’ve been holed up here and unable to change it, so yeah I brought this book the other day, haven’t read it yet.” 

“Oh, that’s okay then. I just thought you were neglecting to clean it." 

...I haven’t been feeling too good recently so I’ve taken some time off. I used my recently received concussion as an excuse and I’m not sure if I’ve been spending it well, basically all that I have been doing is lying in bed looking outside with a paranoid look. 

I have this feeling that there are aliens are coming here. It’s just this thought I can’t get rid of. And there’s always this one guy that serves the counter at the shop near my house which is at the road. I think he`s communicating with them.

Maybe I have a problem. That one voice that I think I keep hearing, it’s multiplying. I’m honestly really scared about of I should see someone, but I’m sure I’ll be fine…I hope.

Diary of Doctor Grey  
The patient in question is making slow but steady progress. I was able to hear his childhood life, and I feel a great sense of sympathy for him. From the information I gathered, home life had been a devastating one. A history of abuse and neglect which has contributed to his current problem. I wrote down notes from the session we had together.

“Where do you live?”

“In London.”

“Where exactly?”

“Cheap apartments.”

“Do you have much interaction with your family?”

“No.”

“Why is that?”

After I said that he looked at the ground and didn’t speak for five minutes. I feared I had stumbled on something I shouldn’t have. Then he started speaking again.

“They kicked me out.”

“When?” 

“I was ten.”

“Where did you live?”

“On the streets.”

“You were raised on the streets then. Did you resort to crime to survive?”

“Yeah, it was kinda fun. I could do what I wanted and getting involved in brawls was exciting.”

“How long did you live there?”

“Until I was fifteen.”

“Were you involved in drugs and guns?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t help but become stern at that point. This kind of lifestyle is not a favourite of mine, so I grew more intense when I was asking my questions.

“What was your first reaction to being abandoned?”

“I was upset. I cried a lot and hung out around people but I didn’t interact with them. I did learn that I’d have to steal to live.”

“When did you join the army?”

“Eighteen.”

"And when were you transferred into UNIT?"

"I was 22."

“How old did are you now?”

“I’m twenty-eight.”

When he said that I replied that we were finished for today and that he could go back to his room after taking the medication, of course. He quietly left without a word and I compiled my notes together. I must ask the people he is friends with at UNIT, I’m sure they can help me with treatment.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	2. The Madness Grows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mystery starts to deepen as more secrets start to emerge as Benton starts to experience more problems. But what was the classroom incident?

Diary of Doctor Grey

Sometimes he can really trouble me. I know he’s hiding things from me and not telling me important information I could use. It is personal and he feels bad about it, what troubles me is that when I try to ask him, he gives me a sinister look, like there’s something else at work. I don’t feel immediately sympathetic towards him when he does do this, I find it useless and I wish he would just tell me. I’ve been watching his progress so far and the results aren’t promising. Looking into his personal file caused me concern, I did not expect such a disturbed child. His room had been covered in truly disturbing drawings and writing, this is one of the things scribbled on the wall.

“Please don’t daddy hurt me again.Mr Bubbles. He takes me downstairs and does things to me. Mr Bubbles, please come back and take me to the city hidden away from the world. My family say that I’m mad and that if I keep up what I’m doing, they’ll send me away and lock me up. But that won’t happen Mr Bubbles, you’ll come and drill through them all and colour the rooms in red.”

There was a drawing of this “Mr Bubbles” next to the writing. It was depicted as a robotic creature killing the family members with John standing next to it. I do not want to discuss the rest of the decorations on his room. But if I was to, I would warn anyone about him because I fear that he would kill anyone who knew.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

I haven’t washed my hair in ages, I know I’ll get in trouble but I just make myself do it. But it’s not that important, I could do it whenever I want to. But I’ll still have to go UNIT, but really, I think they’re a bunch of pansies who can’t shoot anything for shit. 

“Hello? Anyone there? Are you in there at all?” 

Suddenly I was snapped back to reality. 

“Huh, you want something?”

“No. Just wanted to tell you that you’ve been staring out that window for over an hour.”

“Yeah totally. You really just told me when you had a bunch of time. Are you plotting something?”

“What? No! Nothing, what’s made you so paranoid?”

“I’M. NOT. PARANOID!!”

I completely lost it then and I think I scared that little private to death. But, it was funny watching him scampering down the hallway. I think I may have burst into laughter at him. Maybe I’ll stay home tomorrow, to avoid more trouble.

I’ve been getting lots of phone calls lately, I know why. I haven’t been turning up to work recently and I’ll get hounded for it when I do, but honestly I don’t care. 

I’ve realised how much I like being at home. I don’t have to worry about work, or anything in general. I’m surprised no one’s come right up to my door and dragged me there themselves. And considering the Brigadier’s attitude, which to me seems like an on or off toddler tantrum, it will be just that if I go back, a temper tantrum. 

My colleagues keep telling me how important my job is. But I don’t care. It’s just a job anyway, I really can’t be bothered caring about anything now. But it’s not time to think about this now, we got a ‘strategy meeting’ for a infiltration of a place that is important I guess, I mean if wasn’t, then it would worthless wasting a group of soldiers in infiltrating it. 

It’s never fun waiting for a ‘battle plan’ to be created. Honestly, I think they are completely useless. I mean, what do they do? All they do is just tell you to go. I know how to move, don’t tell me how.

Oh you do, do you? I’d love to hear how you can explain why your parents kicked you out.

I just realised I haven’t been paying attention to what the captain’s been saying. I assume it’s not anything important because, come on, no one really cares, do they?

You are such a weirdo. If anyone found who you are and what you did, you’d go back to THAT PLACE, you don’t want to go back do you? Remember what they did to you?

I don’t care what you say about me. I’m not listening.

Remember the classroom? Do you remember their screams? Do you still recall the blood?

Shut up! I’m not listening to you!

“Sergeant?”

“What? Yes?”

“Move, Sergeant.”

“Why should I?”

“What did you say?”

“I said, why should I?”

“You’re getting on the wrong foot since you decided to come back here, Benton.”

“Get off my back Mike, you’re such a fricken jerk, you know?”

I don’t get why he was yelling at me, I just answered to what he said. People are getting increasingly angry at me for answering them normally, well - honestly, anyway. I don’t know why, but I got incredibly angry and just couldn’t stop myself from practically being in a rage.

People say I’m crazy when I say that I bring life to things. I can too. Yesterday I brought a tree to life and talked with it. I learnt so much about the landscape and about life.

Diary of Doctor Grey

I managed to interview his parents the other day. What they told me contradicted some of his statements. When he was eight, he had killed the family’s dogs, each and every one of them. His mother said she was terrified when she saw him and his father said he had to wrestle him off the puppy he was yet to kill. I want to keep a much closer eye on him from now on. I’ve given him stuff to do in his room in the rehabilitation center where he is residing for the duration of his treatment. I got a message from the doctor who is monitoring him when I’m not there, John’s not been eating much. I’m concerned about this, a break away from his current behavior is not what I expected. Still, I’m heading there tomorrow, maybe I can convince him to start eating again. 

I know he is damaged psychologically but, I do not want it to take over him fully. I am certain I can help him, he just needs time. Lots of time, if I want him in a relatively stable sense of mind, which of I course I do. There are still secrets he is hiding from me, I must find them out if I want to understand him properly.

As planned, my sessions with him will continue. And my research into him must uncover everything. 

But one thing troubles me, his name is eerily familiar. Like he has done something in his past that he is hiding. Whatever it is, I will find out the truth.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	3. Shadow in my Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am here but I'll disappear, disappear from your sight, you will cry but I know that you will be alright. Be alright when I'm gone 'cos I'm coming back one day, may it also be the next day.  
> I am here but I'll disappear, disappear from your sight, you will cry but I know that you will be alright. Be alright when I'm gone 'cos I'm coming back one day, and it'll only be us two, 'kay?"
> 
> -Shadow in my Eye, AVANNA, Reoni, Cawer-P

Diary of Doctor Grey

I found my patient today on the floor crying with his handshe covering his head. I asked what was wrong and he said something about “the circles with patterns inside that appeared outside his window yesterday.” I turned my attention to the pieces of paper scattered around the place, I had hoped that he would’ve filled them out with how he was feeling. Instead, what had happened was, he’d covered them with the circles he described. I wrote down what he said to me.  
“I can’t take this anymore.”

“Why?”

“They keep talking to me. I wish they would go away. And I keep seeing things. Please, I want to be normal again.”

At this point I felt the need to tell him the truth. I will not be able to cure him of the disorder and I’m trying my best to bring him to a state of stability. Even just doing that is proving difficult. Truly, I feel sorry, but there are still some options left. Still a slim chance I can say that he is “well” enough to go back to society. 

It’s a year and a half since he came here. My actions and precautions have partly led us to this point, it’s just a matter of figuring how to proceed. But I found a clue to why his name is familiar. He has blood on his hands. Blood that has not wiped away so easily. I wonder why he joined the army. Was it to wipe away the blood in an effort to appear good? Or was it an excuse, a lie, so he could appear sane? I do not know. But what was the reason for what he did? He does seem to have a close connection to a friend of his. You could say they were brothers. Or maybe even twins?

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

I think it’s been five days since I’ve been out of my room. I don’t trust anything anymore. I kept seeing things like the talking tree outside, certain animals. I’ve just been sitting here, pointing a knife in front of me, waiting for HIM to come back. I hate it when he’s here and I hate it when he leaves me, I can’t decide. He always says he’ll come back the next day and then always does. But I never know when, and that’s what scares me the most. There all these things lying dead in front of me, I think I killed them. But when my mother came in and I said they were in front of me, she said nothing was there and I was just imagining them. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m getting hungry and I really want to leave and eat something but, what if I get attacked by a monster or something? I saw one as plain as day a few days ago, it had huge spiked teeth and it had hooves with short legs and a large head with horns. I screamed and ran to my room, that’s how I ended up in it for five days. 

“I see you're still in here, huh? Why don’t you just leave?”

“Go away, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Aww really? I thought you loved me. You promised, remember?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about, okay?”

“Oh I see! You forgot, didn’t you? That’s what you get for taking the coward's way out!”

“Stop it stop it stop it! I can’t do this anymore!”

“What? You gonna cry? Go ahead crybaby, whine all you like! But don’t forget who you are.”

“Who am I?”

“A murderer. A psychopath.”

“NO! I’M NOT!!!”

“Oh, but you are. YOU. ARE.”

He left me after that, and I just want to be alone. 

I saw them again today, the aliens. I know I did and I saw what that they did. Finding a camera I managed to snap a picture of them. I think they saw me and I had to hide under the window sill for a time. When I stood up they had gone. I felt scared as I walked to the kitchen trembling, desperately hoping for something to make me forget what I had seen. When my father came in asking me why I was taking shots while sitting at the dining table, I said that I saw the aliens much better this time and showed him the photo. He laughed and said I would be better at being a photographer than a soldier. I looked back at the photo and for a moment I saw the aliens I photographed, then, I saw it was just an ordinary photo. I shouted something I can’t remember, took a knife and stabbed the photo to shreds. I think I took chunks from the table as well. And I remember being wrestled away by my father, having the knife ripped from hands and having the living shit beaten out of me. I fled from him and then that’s when I saw the monster. 

In truth, I’ve been in my room for five days because I’m hiding. Hiding from my father, from the aliens, from the monster, from him and from myself.

Diary of Doctor Grey

Now I know where I know his name. He was the one responsible for a school shooting that killed 25 teenagers and one teacher when he was sixteen. The thing that bugs me is that he could not have done parts of this alone. He was with someone when planning it. I don’t know what happened during the ten minutes that occurred after all were dead. I believe when he heard the police that was the reason why he tried to commit suicide, but the bullet didn't kill him. But the catch is, one survived. His name? Mike Yates. It also seems to be a coincidence that he is also a patient of mine. And I find many, many similarities between them both. I would like to do a blood test to see if I’m correct, and if I’m not then nothing has been wasted. But my current patient has a mental disorder and is currently going through a rough time. I think we need to try a stronger type of medication. In the meantime, he’s in a strait jacket right now. I really didn’t want to go to that extreme but I find it necessary in the current situation. He absolutely refuses to sleep and has picked up again his habit of barely eating anything. 

I honestly want to help him. But I’m running out of ideas I could use in my therapy sessions. And the list of meds I have put down for him are growing less and less. Every time a major problem occurs, I need to ask for stronger medication to list for him. If we go up one, he’ll be on the second strongest type. I’ve never been able to understand his mind. From the childhood drawings and writing to the incident with the classroom to the current problems now. Honestly, I believe that he was doomed from the start. 

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based of the Vocaloid song 'Shadow in my eye'. The song's about hallucinations.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqPuOVAnfPM


	4. Hide and Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's been hiding himself inside for days on end. Worrying about himself and about the world and what it thinks of him. But who cares about him? And who shares half of his DNA?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sibling ties are just me. Please don't be angry with me and say it's non-canon. I'm just doing for fun and the concept will be in all my stories from now on.

Diary of Doctor Grey

I sat down at my desk and almost cried today. I can’t think of anything else I can do for him. He’s going out of his mind even faster than before. When I started this, I made a promise, a promise that I would cure him of his problem. And I will uphold it as best as I can. Maybe if I could check in with my contacts, they might have some information that I can use. I wrote down my interviews with his friends. This one is from the one with this man called “The Doctor.”

“Your name is the Doctor, correct?”

“Yes, that’s my name.”

“Okay, I was just asking.”

“You wanted to talk with me?”

“Yes. How well acquainted are you with my patient?”

“He’s a good friend of mine and is quite a loyal man.”

“Were you surprised when he lashed at you?”

“A little bit, I mean, he came out of nowhere.”

“I understand you’re a scientist, among other things. Could you tell what was happening to your friend?”

“I had my suspicions at first. But then after time I could tell he wasn’t acting normally. I kept my eye on him and my concerns were confirmed. I knew something was wrong with him - mentally.”

“I’ve spoken to his other friends and they have told me similar things about him. I understand that he has had some “encounters” that have done occasional things to his mind. Is there one in particular that could’ve triggered a reaction in his brain?”

“Only one that I can think of. When he was trailing someone for UNIT reasons, he said he “felt a faint throbbing in the head, then fainting.” I took the time afterwoods to ask him what actually happened. He said that he felt a massive pain in his head and some voice saying something he couldn’t make out. Then he suddenly had a change of mind and didn’t care anymore.”

“I’m guessing that this wasn’t his usual behavior?”

“No. I found it odd really.”

There was more to this conversation, but that excerpt was what I thought was important. There is still a window of opportunity for my patient. I managed to overhear something he said.

“We made a promise long ago, but now I’m all alone. You promised me and now you’ve left me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

I cannot begin to imagine what would happen if he got out of here and ran wild. How many then would suffer? How long would it take to arrest him? What if this time he managed to fully take “the coward’s way out”?

I just don’t know.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

That settles it. I’m never leaving this house EVER. Why, you ask? Because, well, every single reason there is to justify not leaving ever again. People might know me for who I am. I know they do and it would be a horrible idea to show my face in public. I can’t remember the last time I was out with my friends, or anyone for that matter. Why would I want to meet new people? What if they recognise me from somewhere? No. Meeting people, bad. Seeing friends, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Besides, I hate crowds anyway. 

There’s just, too many people. 

Also, people keep telling me “I’m unaware of my surroundings”. Which is a lie. I’m aware, it’s just, sometimes I faze out. But anyway, they don’t understand me. Well they MAY be right I guess. A month ago I was almost hit by a car, I honestly didn’t hear it coming. After whoever saved me, they said, “What the hell were you thinking?! It was like you were in la la land or something?!”

I honestly didn’t really care about that. But in truth, everyone’s a jerk and that’s another reason why I’m not leaving this house. What if I have to speak for an event somehow? Or maybe I turn up late for something important? I might get lost trying to do something important that could be a turning point in history and I was late and screwed it all up rendering the human race into slaves for the aliens who are already here and taking us over as I think?! I can’t get rid of any of my thoughts, I have to think over EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. And factor in something that might go wrong, then I have to rework every tiny little fragment in every single thought that doesn’t even matter to the one I was thinking of?! What happens then?! Do I scrap everything I was thinking of?! I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!

“You seem stressed, can I help?”

“NO. JUST GO AWAY.”

“Well, I really wanna help you, you see? And if you could stop being a whiny brat for a minute.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME?!!”

“Geez no need to get angry on me okay? It’s not like I’m trying to trip you over deliberately am I?”

“Just stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Pretending to be sympathetic towards me.”

“You really want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. Don’t forget. We can make you miserable.”

Aww what’s wrong? The little crybaby Sergeant wants to stay indoors ‘cos he’s afraid?

Yeah, so?

You really are a wimp. No wonder nobody wants you. Nobody CARES about you.

What do want with me? Please, just go away.

Can’t you understand dimwit. We’re here, FOREVER.

I don’t want you to be here. Can’t you just leave?

Why don’t YOU leave? It would everyone happy.

It would, I guess.

You could wipe away the debt.

No one would miss me?

They would rejoice when they found out want what you did. 

I could escape from everything.

That’s right. You could. What’s stopping you right now?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

Diary of Doctor Grey

My questions were answered by the power of DNA. They are related. Good thing their ages match up completely. And as I guessed they are fraternal twins. And this opens up doors upon doors of opportunities that I can harness. In more good news, he’s recovering from that “spell” he had. I finally managed to have a session with him, and this time I let out all my new information.

“How have you been?”

“Okay, I guess?”

“I want to know about the classroom.”

He looked at me in alarm, and burst into tears.

“Please. Please don’t do anything to me. I just want to forget about that.”

“Calm down please. I just want to talk about it, that’s all.”

“Alright. What do you want to know?”

“I want to know what was going on in your mind at the time.”

“Well, we had to...”

“We?”

“My brother and I.”

He seemed very reluctant to tell anything, it does seem like this is a memory he has repressed.

“Look. I’ll give you a deal. You tell me everything in secret, and I’ll talk to you about something else in this session, okay?”

“O-okay.”

“How many languages do you know?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I want to understand you personally.”

“Well. I know English, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, Mandarin, German, French and Swedish.”

“Really? Fluently? All of them?”

“Yes.”

“How did learn them all?”

“When I was on the streets. I was temporarily taken in by a librarian. I had nothing to do all day, because he’d be busy with his work. So I decided to go to the language section and see if I could learn anything.”

“Well you certainly did. More than most people would.”

Then the strangest thing happened. He laughed.

“Yeah. I suppose so!”

I wasn’t meaning to be silly with that question. And yet, I felt a new founded confidence in myself. This was a sign that he was starting to grasp his old personality back. I decided not to milk this breaking point. It was best not to go too far into detail with this new development.

“Why did you leave?”

“Because. It wasn’t the life for me. I felt like if I lived out there, I’d experience the fun and excitement like they do in books.”  
It went further than that, but I think that was enough. Personal subjects do seem to be a trivial topic that can either reveal himself to me or hide him even further than he already has.

Still, there’s a new hope now. Maybe, just maybe, I can fulfill my promise at the start of this journal.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	5. A two in one deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing matters to them. Nobody but each other matter to them. They're just by themselves in this world. If they have to kill to keep their secret hidden, so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based of a book I read last year. It's called 'Damage Done'. Let's just say, I had mixed feelings about it.

Diary of Doctor Grey

I went to check in with him today. I was granted the most intriguing surprise when I entered. He was normal as any other person. Well, I knew he wasn’t THAT normal because of what he did. I did see that the drawings of the circles were strewn across the floor. 

“Hello.”

“Oh! Hi.”

He smiled at me happily and went back to reading the book I gave him. It was “War of the Worlds”, which was what he asked for. 

“How far are you in it?”

“Halfway.”

I couldn’t help but smile at this. He seemed quite relaxed and was kicking his legs back and forth while lying on the bed. I wonder what would happen if I brought the brothers together. I don’t think they had much interaction after the incident, my research revealed that he had been in medically induced coma for a week before being shifted to the maximum security ward. I wonder how he remembered that? He may have been told after recovery. Mentioning it does seem to bring back memories that I believe makes him want to forget. But I also believe that it makes him think of his brother, I’m sure they don’t have any time together. Apart from when they’re at work. And they wouldn’t get much time together anyway. I just have to wonder, how close are they really?

Close enough to warrant murder?

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

June 14th 19XX

I’m starting to worry about Benton. I haven’t seen him for about a month. I feel especially concerned here, like I have something to do with it. But in my defense, he was acting strangely when I last saw him. He’s always been, well, I’ll say “off”. He doesn’t remember at all. Which hurts me every time I’m with him. We spent our lives together during everything that happened. We decorated our room in drawings and writing. And then every night we had to find a new place to hide from our father. Both of us were terrified of him. I was so angry when I saw him at UNIT for the first time. They had lied to me when they said he’d never wake up when we were in the hospital. My mother said it was for my own good, but I didn’t care. I felt betrayed. Still, I’ve come to relax about it. And it was my idea anyway, to do what we did. And wasn’t our first time either. I think I won in the killing game. A few months earlier, we’d been driving at night, clearly something we shouldn’t have. And my inexperience at driving caused us to swerve and hit somebody, then hit a tree. We sat there for a minute looking at the contorted body in front of us. And the greatest sensation flew right through me. Snapping back to the situation, I quickly reversed and drove us back home. We set the car on fire, trying to hide what we did. 

We’ve always been friendless. Nothing mattered if we were together. And I will do anything to get him back and make him mine again. No one will see this, I keep it too well hidden. It’s lonely where I live, honestly. I wonder if he went back home to them? I hope not, I truly hope not. If he did it’ll make him worse, much worse. Whatever is going on with him, I will step in and stop it. I just hope I get there in time, otherwise, I don’t know what will happen. Our friends mustn’t really care then, if they are not going to get involved. I wonder if they know? If they did, then we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Probably serving a life sentence or something. We would’ve been together. That was our promise to each other. That we’d never find anyone else, we’d always be together no matter what, and if anyone found out, that would be the last thing they knew. I think I feel guilty about what happened to him that day. I remember being comforted by my mother when I saw them taking him into the ambulance. Nothing has been normal with us, but I’m okay with that. If there was anywhere on earth where we wouldn’t be harassed, bullied, watched and/or attacked, we’d be there. 

Keeping up this “good guy act” is wearing me out, why can’t we come back together and run away? If we broke the only friendships we’ve ever had, it’s fine by me.

Exert from the diary of Captain Mike Yates

Diary of Doctor Grey

He is now making steady progress towards a recovery. I am still bewildered about how it’s happened, but I’m glad it has. Hopefully he’ll be able to leave this hospital soon with my permission. This time, he won’t go to his parents. Instead, I’ll send him to his brothers I do fear what they might do together, but if I continue to watch, I’m sure things will be fine. I will do my best to keep the authorities as far from them as I can. But I will hide their past deeds from the public’s mind. I feel like they’ve been through enough for a lifetime and many people would believe that they deserve only one lifetime for what they’ve done. Treatment will, of course, be continued. I still can’t comprehend why they did what they did. I guess you’d have to be them to understand. Nothing will ever be okay with them. But I think they know that, known it for years. We managed to go down a few meds, still strong, but not as strong. I guess every psychologist would pay to see inside the mind of a murderer. Even I would but, I believe that it would be an invasion of the mind. And no one should be put through the pain of having their mind rummaged and rampaged. 

It doesn’t matter what he does, he’ll always be broken. Nothing more and nothing less. People like this can’t be fixed, they can’t be redeemed. But we can do our best to keep them safe to keep them away from others. Most would turn their noses up at the sight of these people. Only a select few would be kind enough to help. I am one of these people. I don’t like to be a pessimist, or an optimist. Certain occasions will require one or the other. In the end, everyone’s broken. It just takes a certain event to trigger it.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	6. iNsAntIY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems like he's finally lost his mind. And nothing can be done to bring him back. This is all my fault, if I had asked him much earlier on, all this would've been prevented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a bit which might seem a bit extreme to some. Just be careful. Shit gets real in this one. ;3

Diary of Doctor Grey

The worst possible thing happened. He’s run away. I have no idea where he is and if he stays away for too long, he’ll start suffering again. I have a vague idea of where he’s possibly gone to. And I can’t think of a reason why he would escape. But the thing is, how did he manage to get out unnoticed? If someone was to leave, they definitely need outside assistance. What will he do, I wonder? I’m beginning to think that his “nice act” was just that- an act. I did watch him several times at night, just to be sure. He kept talking about “aliens” and “how they were coming to get him”. The fact that a highly disturbed young man with a mental disorder and history of murder is currently roaming about is not what I call “acceptable”. If I don’t sort this out soon, there’ll be trouble. And I won’t guarantee what will happen to him. But if he decides to come back I’ll give him a sound warning. And maybe extend his sentence another few years. Not that it matters entirely - I don’t believe he will go to his brother. He’ll go to UNIT instead. Why? Because of their connection to alien invasions in the past. He knows the Doctor is an alien and has a strange contraption, and that’s not a good combination. I must warn them as quickly as I can. Hopefully they’ll get my message and make sure he doesn’t do anything. But if they don’t, I can’t imagine what would happen. 

The only thing I ever wanted to do with him was to repair him as best as I could. Could it be he’s running from me? If he is, he will know that I am not weak when I’m angry. And what kind of reason does he have for going? I’ve worked here ever since I graduated, and they are kind people. They couldn’t have done things in secret to him, could they? So secret that even I didn’t know?  
Tonight I must look around the place. And find anything that could be of value to me.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

We were just standing there. Eyeing each other off. I didn’t want to move too much, I was being held at gun point. Flicking through my mind I couldn’t find a reason for his actions. I wanted to get closer to him to see if I could find anything out. But every time I tried to get closer, he pointed the gun at me and I had to step back. 

“Sergeant. Are you okay?”

“Get the fuck away from me!”

I got a glimpse of his eyes. They were filled with insanity. I had to find a way to disarm him safely, without anyone getting harmed. There’s something off about him. He’s definitely unstable. If I have to do this, I’ll have to be quiet and not raise any alarms. That would be disastrous, he’d probably get killed or injured. 

“Please, calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Liar! You’re a fake!”

“A fake what?”

“You think you can walk around and control these people to obey you? Not me! I can see through your disguise, I know your true intentions!”

I couldn’t believe what he was going on about. He is clearly worked up about it. Definitely a delusion of some sort. 

“Why do you want to kill me?”

“Because you’re leading this. Leading them to me. I kill you, and they’ll leave.”

“Who’s invading?”

“YOU! You’re leading them here. With THAT!”

He pointed at the TARDIS. I understood only a little. I guess he’s only been in there once. And he saw me contact the Timelords for help that one time. A little bit confused I think. I wonder, if I play along with his fantasy, will it help me in preventing harm?

“Okay, you caught me. I’m contacting them. What will you do?”

“Fucking kill you, of course! Haven’t you been listening?!”

The pistol was loaded and ready. One pull of the trigger and I’m dead. 

“What will you do after you kill me?”

He paused. His mind had been totally absorbed by the idea that he hadn’t thought about it. I heard footsteps running up the hallway.

“Oh no. Don’t burst in, don’t burst in.”

“What did you say?!”

“Nothing.”

The footsteps were getting closer. I had to get him disarmed and out of trouble. 

“SERGEANT! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

We both turned to face the doors to the laboratory. 

“Brigadier! Don’t do anything, he’s frightened!”

At this moment, Benton panicked. 

It seemed like one of those moments when time seems to stop and your brain doesn’t quite register what happens.   
The pistol was shot out of his hand and spun across the floor out of anyone’s reach. He grabbed the pocket knife, opened it, and held it to his neck. He smiled insanely and said, “I won’t let you have the satisfaction of getting me!”

Then he sliced it diagonally down his neck, leaving a deep cut which bled instantly and caused him to fall down unconsciously. I rushed over and covered the cut with my handkerchief in an attempt to stop the bleeding. But it was completely soaked with blood after a few seconds. Everything after that seemed to faze out. People were rushing about, I was trying everything to stop the blood flow and prevent him dying. Once everything settled down I decided to think about what had just happened. 

It seems like we’ve lost the Sergeant we once had, and we’ll never find him again. 

Diary of Doctor Grey

I am ready to take full responsibility for what has happened. Currently, he’s in a hospital with a severe neck injury. I was told by the Doctor that it was a self inflicted injury and that it appeared he’d lost his mind. Of course I was alarmed at this news, last time he was mentally disturbed he was close to no return to sanity. If it happens again, I will have no choice but to lock him away from the world. It seems like he’s always been locked away from the world for as long as he’s lived. It does explain his anti-social behavior. I wish there was a way to free him from his own madness, but it is surely impossible to do now. I’ll leave questioning him after he wakes up for a while. It would seem cruel and worthless if I did so soon after recovery. But I’m worried what state his mind will be in when he does though. If I could find all the truth with him then I would be forever at ease. Nothing will work anymore, he’s just a disturbed man who can’t come to terms with the world around him. If he were the only person like this in the whole world, then many historic tragedies wouldn’t have happened. If only that were so, but it will never be. All we can do is help these people and prevent them ruining other people’s lives. But what is the deal with his brother? Surely he must be similar? Maybe their “relationship” plays a part in this and the way they function.

But one thing’s for certain, whatever their deal is. They can’t be allowed to be around other people.

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	7. Arrest and an old room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what they did to me. I can't understand why I was worth their time. Am I more important than I think? Do I have something that no one else does? I hate weird government experiments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of this is from a segment from Bioshock Infinite. The part where your in the Asylum-y place. And you have find Elizabeth. You realise how much you liked having her there because she threw you helpful stuff in battle. Still, it was near the end of the game. And there's the fricken boys of damn silence with old president of America masks. I just snuck past the ones that alerted all of them. It's definitely a part I will not play again. Apart from the fact you had to listen to weird tears that opened up at certain points. Are you even still reading this note? If not, good job! I don't why I tried to explain all that, I don't think anyone reads these things.

Diary of Doctor Grey

I’ve been dealing with other patients of mine while I wait for him to recover. Sadly, his condition is still critical. The cut was deep indeed, if caused this kind of problem. -My spare time has been occupied with researching where they went wrong- his brother and him. They seemed of normal development until they were eight. But what I want to know is, did anything happen before that? No one in their family seems interested in talking. I’ve already established that they gave their children abusive childhoods. Except for their daughter. Why is that? I can’t understand any reason for doing so. Why ruin a child’s life and tarnish the way they will function in the future? It makes no sense. Is it because they never wanted twins? My first thought was that they had grown up poor. I was wrong. They have had a relatively comfortable lifestyle. In other words, middle class. There is something troubling me. If they were kicked out around the age of fifteen, how did they go to school? Records say that they did go to school.  
Who’s telling the truth?

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

Now that I’ve come back to my senses, I truly regret all of my choices over my lifetime. No one will trust me anymore. And why should they? I’ve murdered people in the past, and I tried to kill someone now. I don’t know how to continue after this. If I do ever leave this place, what will I do? Where could I go? It doesn’t matter how many times I want to get out, this damn jacket keeps me locked up. Anyone outside this asylum could never find it, it’s just too well hidden. That word sends a shiver down my spine. I hate this place, I just hate it. At least the doctors and nurses here are nice, I’ve been in a place that was the opposite. I don’t know much about the other patients, I’m not let out much. There is one scary warden, she’s on my level. They probably get meaner and stronger the lower down you go. I think I still have the bruise she gave me last time, located on my right eye. One time I tried to escape from my previous “treatment place”, I got up to the front door but was dragged back to one of the secret rooms underneath the building. I was drugged and taken to a room with medical equipment and a metal chair. They sat me down and stuck something in my back. Consciousness quickly slipped from me as they flicked something which caused a searing pain in my head. When I woke up, I was back in the room I was staying.  
Still to this day I have no idea what they did to me. But it was done multiple times, so, what did they do? I don’t wanna know, I just don’t wanna know. I just want to go home, that’s just all. 

Diary of Doctor Grey

I found what I was looking for. Hidden rooms underneath this building. Now I realise how good my decision was to send him to a place much more equipped to deal with him. This explains his abrupt behavioral pattern changes. I must talk with the head of any department connected with this place and get any information out of them. Before I do though, I will go and check on John. I want to check in on him to see if he’s doing okay. The place I sent him to has a good history and many who work there are close friends of mine. I wonder, if he or someone could change everything about him - even his whole body, would he say yes? It would be like changing every part of yourself and becoming a new person. I don’t think I could, but others would leap at the opportunity. Maybe I could get some form of entertainment for him. Somehow I don’t think that sitting in a room for hours at a time doing nothing is helping. But I’m not sure how well I would do. When he was first brought to me, he was covered in cuts and bruises. I never said how they were there and who brought him to me. That is something I will leave for later. I don’t think you need to know just now.  
As well as the mystery of the time gap. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you in time. I need to find more information on the topics myself.  
Still, what did they do to him in that little room?

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	8. The Game has begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing with minds is something I delight in. Watching them create chaos while just sit there and receive no consequences is a gem. No one can match me. If they do, they die. Simple. We're are the best together. When we return to society, no one will be none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter I guess. Have fun. I have school in two days. So yay.

Diary of Doctor Grey

Another mystery has occurred. They are not biologically related to their parents. I am at the point where I need a chart to list out all the points I’ve discovered so far. I have crossed off a majority of what’s on the list, but there are some big ones still unchecked. It’s true that he learnt those languages himself, but neither of them were kicked out of home. Why did he lie to me? I can tell now that he was, but then, he seemed so believable. He is smarter than he looks, and knows how to play with emotions. He’s been doing it all along. Milking me to get closer and closer to getting released. I hope he’ll get used to a life sentence, I’m going to put in a request for it to be extended to a life long one. He is a dangerous man but his brother is even more so. If you paired them together, they would unleash havoc. The brain and the brawn. They are the perfect pair. Literally. They are a couple, and are very close. Perhaps it was because of their upbringing? Looking at their history, it has played a big role in their lives. Neither of them has any sympathy or empathy at all. Nothing is safe from their deadly grasp.  
If I brought John and Mike together again, properly this time. That innocent act for both of them will melt. And the true forms will come out.   
Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.

I can’t take it anymore. I want to go home, go home and forget about everything. The way they talk down to me, stare at me through cameras and closer to making me snap. In a way, I’m so close to confessing the truth. The truth about what happened that day. Why we killed those people. Why we did everything we did. Of course I know what they did to me in that room, I was told. I’m not a stupid person. And honestly, I don’t give two shits about whatever disorder they say I have while shoving pills down my throat. I was getting bored just sitting there all wrapped up, so I’ve decided to play mind games with them. It’s fun messing with them because they get all panicked and run about the place creating all the chaos for me. That’s how I play with people, no rules but my own. And when I’m caught? I just say the voices told me to. Sometimes I have to really make them believe me, not so much with newbies. It’s so funny! The only time I can’t play with them is when Grey is around. I hate that son of a bitch. He ruins everything and will never leave me alone. No matter where I go, he’s just there. Like he knows where I’ll go. Sort of like a real life Sherlock I guess. But when he goes, I can have fun again. Luckily my brother got my message to put a hit on him. I wonder if Grey knows? Of course we’re not going let just anyone kill him. That’s why my bro will do it himself. Why did all this need to happen at this time? We were all fine together, just doing what we do. Maybe, just maybe, I can get out ahead of time from here by playing nice. One, if Grey knows me by now, he’ll be attempting to put me onto a life sentence. Two, he’ll also be trying to reveal us, try and show us to the public. He’ll never get the chance. Both of us are just too quick together. We never lose and we always win. Never have I regretted anything I’ve done. I’m crazy and I enjoy that craziness to its fullest. If we play our cards right, no one will know what we’ve done in our lives. If they do, we kill them. Murder is just second nature for us. And we accept the game invite. 

Diary of Doctor Grey

Time is short on me. Somehow, there’s a hit on me. And I have to move quick, otherwise everything will be lost. My research will be destroyed and no one will find out everything from me. Clever, so clever. You can’t beat their games and you can’t refuse to play. They’re murderers, psychopaths and do not give a care that they have ruined the lives of many people in order to protect their secret. And I know everything about them. I can’t hide this journal anywhere in my room, he’s been in here many times. Every time he was, I noticed that he looked around the room. In detail, every time. The one thing John didn’t know, was that I saw through all his mind games. Maybe we should all play one final game. One with no rules, all weapons enabled. Seeing that they like games so much, I’m sure they’d be much obliged. What’s the game? A race against time. The winner receives their freedom. The loser, death. If they both die, then that may not be the best. I’ll need to have survived and I’ll need to question one of them. Still, that’s a risk. If one goes, what will become of the other? Will he descend into madness? Nobody knows, and I fear that nobody will. I must make it to the end. 

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Grey.


	9. Full Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so comes back around to the beginning. Everything will continue as normal, nothing out of the ordinary what so ever. Why did you even ask?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me ages 'cos I lost interest, but I'm back.

****** News Report

“Psychologist Damien Grey was found dead at 12am in his house located at ******* street, London. Police have begun their investigation into the murder. Neighbors were interviewed about what had occurred that evening.”  
‘Well, I saw him enter his house as normal. Nobody has any social interaction with him. He had a huge bunch of papers stuffed into a briefcase. They looked important...’  
‘I didn’t see anything different last night, but I thought there were two guys hanging out around the house during the day...’  
“Police are asking anyone who knows anything to come forward immediately. No suspects have been confirmed...”

******* News Report end

I don’t want to stay here anymore. I know that they mean well for me, but I hate everything about this place. Hiding underneath my bed does comfort me a little, still, I do like being alone a lot because people mostly leave me be. I really don’t like having the meds injected, it just hurts, but I don’t get to choose. The staff are quite kind though, but not even that can make me feel better about being strapped down and electrocuted, because that fucking hurts like hell. I wish I could see my friends, but I’m not sure if they’d actually like to see me. They probably hate me for what I did. I don’t remember what I did in the lab, but I feel like it was bad. They said I cut my neck open when I Was there. And I may have killed my therapist with my brother’s help. I hated him. The way he pushed me for answers to his questions, going too far into my past and collecting personal information on me. But now that he’s gone, I have a new one. He’s much nicer and he cares a lot for me. His name’s Doctor Thompson. He doesn’t push me too far and doesn’t collect info on me. I want to go home, but my dad lives there. He’s very abusive towards us. I never wanted to be crazy, but fate is cruel to some. Well, maybe I can live without the past intruding on me. I do wish to start over again, but where’s the fun in that? I honestly can’t tell which me is the one I want to be. Nice and shy, or a complete psychopath? Would I get a second chance for one or the other? I’m obviously not trust worthy enough to be employed anywhere, but I guess my new occupation is “insane” so I’ll be fine. 

Journal of Doctor Thompson  
I’ve decided to focus all my attention on my new patient. He kept asking me odd questions which I just shrugged off as paranoia. The thing is, I think he likes me. In a friendly way, not love. He hasn’t been talking much at all. So talking to him has been a little hard in trying to find out about him. Therapy does show signs of working on him, but the fact that he has to be heavily medicated means that I can’t let him go home to his brother. And I think that’s what he wants. He seems very relaxed when around him, and silent when not. I can’t help but wonder how bad it would be if I did send him home. Maybe if I find a way to change to pills instead of needles for his medication. I know what he’s done in the past, and I want to help in any way. I don’t think society would accept him, but maybe he could go around outside if he was hidden enough. He’s a problematic person who should be protected. And when I say ‘protected’, I mean protected from what society would do to him. When I first heard that I would be gaining him as a patient, I was scared. Mostly because of what happened to the other psychiatrist. 

Patient number 01, John Benton treatment journal by Doctor Thompson.


End file.
